The Tarryn Reeves Show

The Money Blocks Keeping Women Broke - and How to Break Free

• Tarryn Reeves • Episode 54

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Why does money feel so hard? In this powerful episode of The Tarryn Reeves Show, I’m joined by money coach and psychologist Eloise Tomkins to explore the deep-rooted money blocks keeping women stuck, stressed, and broke—and exactly how to break free.

We unpack the connection between money, trauma, and the nervous system, why traditional advice like “feel the fear and do it anyway” often backfires, and how early childhood experiences shape our financial beliefs without us even realizing it. Eloise shares practical tools to rewire your money mindset, build financial confidence, and make your nervous system feel safe receiving wealth—without burnout or self-sabotage.

Whether you're a female entrepreneur, a career-driven woman, or someone just tired of living in fear around money, this conversation will give you the insights and empowerment you need to start rewriting your money story—today.

In this episode, we cover:

  • Why women struggle with financial confidence (and how to rebuild it)

  • The hidden impact of childhood and trauma on your money beliefs

  • How to regulate your nervous system to feel safe with success

  • The difference between fear-driven and empowered financial decisions

  • Practical steps to overcome money blocks and create lasting wealth

If you've ever said “I’m just not good with money,” this episode is your wake-up call.

Tune in now and start your journey to financial empowerment.

Connect with Eloise:


Welcome to the Tarryn Reeves Show, where your journey to empowerment takes center stage. I'm your host, Tarryn Reevess, bestselling author and publishing expert. Together we'll dive into the hearts and minds of visionaries, disruptors, and trailblazing leaders To explore the most compelling and thought provoking ideas in life, business, and marketing. Let's inspire, impact and ignite. This is the Tarryn Reevess Show. Today I'm joined by Eloise Tomkins, and she helps women who are exhausted from feeling panicked about money, completely transform their entire nervous system's response to wealth so they can finally stop living in fear and start building real financial confidence. Obviously, something that every woman, every person, in fact, could do really well with. Eloise, welcome to the show. Thank you. I'm so excited to be here. I love talking about money, so Woo-hoo. Bring it on. I love talking about money too, and that's so funny, right? Because money is often such, still such a taboo topic, which is so weird because pretty much our entire society runs. Money. Right? And it's such a touchy subject for so many people. It destroys marriages, it destroys relationships, it destroys self-confidence. And then people walk around going, ah, money is the root of all evil. And I hate it when I hear that because I'm like, actually, you can do so much good with money and let's redefine that relationship. So why do you think that so many people are stuck on this icky feeling of money? Oh gosh, that's such a good question and it's so right. And you know, I think what you were describing is like the money blocks, the different types of money blocks that we can hold around money. The thing is with money, like we see it as a tool, and don't get me wrong, like it absolutely is a tool and it is also something that we need for survival. And what I mean by survival is we need to be able to pay for the roof that's over our head. If we don't have that roof over our head, we'll be exposed into the elements. If we don't have money, we can't buy food. If we can't buy food, we can literally cannot survive. Yeah. We need money to pay our bills. If we can't pay our bills, like the consequences of all of those things come essentially back down to our basic need to survive those physiological needs that we have as humans to survive. And when that is threatened, when we are scared that we're not gonna have enough money, when we don't have enough money, when we have that. Scarcity mindset. We go into that fight or flight mode, and it's so embedded in us that it happens without us even realizing. So that's why there's so much emotion around money. Yeah. Look, I've spent a long time struggling with emotions around money, and I think a lot of it happens in childhood before we can even speak, I think, and communicate, you know. Seeing the impact that it's having on our parents and our lifestyle. And sometimes they can be those wild fluctuations of feast and famine and big bills come in and then you can't do anything for a bit. And as kids, you don't really understand that, do you? Because you go, well, how come we can't go out for ice cream this week? We went out last week. Right, and they just think that money grows on trees, right? And you just have that pressure as an adult and a parent to make it happen. What is your kind of experience being with early childhood money development? Because I know that you're a psychologist and you've got a deep wealth of personal experience in this area as well. Oh, it's so fascinating and I love the dance between the present and the past. Because as children, the way that we develop is by kind of learning from our environment. And what I mean by that is, like you were saying with your parents, for example, our subconscious is picking up on every single thing that's going on around us, like everything, and it's absorbing messages. It's not just the messages that we hear, like it's not just, can we go out for ice cream? No, we can't. It is about how the tone of voice that our parents used, if they set it in a snappy tone or something like that, then we get a jolt in our nervous system and go, Ooh. That was a bit scary. Oh, money must be scary. Asking for things that involve money must be scary. Now, our subconscious isn't doing that consciously, but we are making meaning of all of that. And as kids, that meaning that we have about ourselves is very egocentric, meaning that we interpret everything as. Through our eyes like, well, I must have done something wrong. By asking, which then starts to get internalized as asking for things is not a good thing to do. Then as adults, you know, running a business, you wonder why it's so difficult to ask clients for payments because your subconscious is running all of these stories in the background about money that it had developed. All these years ago that you weren't even consciously aware of. And we all have our own stories. Like you said, I have my own stories around money and my story around money was work hard. Go to university, get a good job, otherwise you'll end up homeless. Mm, very So mine. I wonder if it's that kind of generation. So interesting. It's interesting, isn't it? And people say that. People are like, oh yeah, I had similar conversations around money. And I think what really, that was terrifying to me as a child. Like I don't wanna end up homeless. Playing. Yeah. And it's so funny how that then plays out in adulthood, right? So in the first chapter of my book, which is all about how to write, publish, and market a book to generate leads for your business, right? But at the first bit of the book, I talk about the success to life philosophy that I was told. Growing up, not only by my family, but by society in general. It's you go to school, you get good grades, then you go to university and you study a degree, which will make you a decent amount of money and is acceptable to society, not something like arts or something they enjoy or be good at. And then you graduate and you get a good job and you climb the corporate ladder and then you buy a house. And then you meet a man and then you get engaged and then you get married and then you have a child and then you have another child and you work nine to five for however many years it is and then you die. Have a small retirement and game over. And I was like, well that doesn't sound very enjoyable. Like, no, thank you. I didn't read the phone print on that one. Can I talk to management please? So it is interesting how so many of us. How society, the Western society, obviously I can only talk about, I don't have experience with the Eastern society and how they work with money. What I can say is they appear to be a lot happier than us with a lot less. But it seems to be that this overarching theme that does play out and it does affect your nervous system. Right. And then when you run your business as an entrepreneur, like you said, all of these things come up and a lot of it is subconscious. But my question to you is, 'cause I know that you like to play in this arena, is that how do we kind of start to reset those money stories? How do we start to. Rewire our nervous system, if you like, to have a better, more enjoyable relationship with money. Oh, that's such a good question, and I'm gonna start with one of the things that I really hate hearing people say, which is feel the fear and do it anyway. Because as a psychologist, I. That really irks me because the purpose of fear is, again, survival. Fear is designed to bring up the fight, flight response, which overrides your rational, logical mind, which means that you are responding in an almost a reactive way to keep yourself safe. And that's kind of the emotion a lot of the time that we're working with. Fear, shame, guilt when it comes to money, but often a lot of it is around that money fear. And when we say feel the fear and do it anyway, it's kind of saying, stand in front of a lion and say, I'm safe. That's kind of crazy. It's not gonna happen. So if we wanna build up that resilience in your nervous system and kind of start rewiring those patterns, we need to start seeing money as safe in our body. And the way that we do that is by starting small. And so it's about building up awareness of, okay, well what are my money blocks? And we kind of have a bit of an idea. I'm not making the money that I want, I'm not charging what I'm worth. I'm stuck a lot of the time. I hear that like I know where I wanna go. I know what my potential is, I just can't reach it. And there's that emotional, or that's an indicator that there's a subconscious block. So the first step is to actually become aware of what that block is. And you can do that. Like a lot of times journaling can be really powerful for people. Like, what am I getting stuck with here? And allowing yourself that space.'cause often we are so focused on go, go, go do, do, do in our business. And you know, I'm so guilty of that myself. Like, we wanna work hard, we wanna achieve our goals. And we think that by slowing down it's gonna pull us back. Mm-hmm. But in reality, that slowing down can actually help us develop more of an understanding of ourselves. And then when we have that awareness, like take it slow. And what I mean by that is. Don't just push through the fear, but take it in baby steps. So if you want to raise your prices, for example, and you've been undercharging for the past nine years, and then all of a sudden you go, right, that's it. I'm increasing my prices and I'm going to double them. Your nervous system is probably going to have a kissy fit and be like, no. So it might be, okay, I'm gonna raise my prices by $50 and I'm gonna see how that feels in my nervous system. I can tolerate that. Okay. And then the next month you might raise it again and again and again until you get to where you wanna be, until your nervous system feels safe.'cause I think when we rush our nervous system, it just ends up bouncing back into that fight flight state. So we kind of need to do it in a bit of a gradual way. I. Interesting. I also think that something important to talk about is the scarcity mindset, right? In Australia for example, the cost of living is just getting stupid. Mm. I know. We're not the only ones and with all the economy stuff happening with Trump and everything recently, you know, our dollar against the American dollar, it has fallen dramatically. And for those of us doing business in Australia. And a lot of systems we use, a lot of coaches, we use, for example, they charge in US dollars. And so when we are paying out, we're paying like over double the amount. Right. And even if you're not running your own business, you know, wages aren't rising to meet the cost of living. So I really feel like everybody's nervous system is kind of in this. What the fuck state, because it is a shock to the system when things like suddenly double overnight, like your expenses in your business. For example, if they're all in US, dollars doubled overnight. Like how would you coach a client of yours as a money coach to. Start to rewire or approach that scarcity mindset and that panic of what the fuck is going on scenario. Yeah. Gosh, that's such a good question. And as you were speaking, like the first thing that kind of came to my mind was again, that sense of survival. So first off, I would kind of normalize that, right? It's understandable that we are going to have an emotional response and it also reminded me of covid like, like these things happen and they happen overnight, and then you're suddenly like, whoa. What the fuck? Yeah, hundred percent. But at the same time, right? Like so I hear you on that. And I think the thing is like with Covid, people were going out there and like stockpiling toilet paper that they didn't need to go out and stockpile, right? Yeah. But everyone was laughing about it and like going, what are you doing? And my psychologist brain was going, sitting there watching it and observing with. Fascination going, wow, that's the fight or flight response kicking in. That is a survival instinct in action because Covid was kind of like that. Tiger or lion or whatever that dangerous animal that we are standing in front of, COVID was legitimate. Threat to our nervous system survival. And so it's really appropriate to kind of have that reaction. Even though we didn't need to stockpile and toilet paper, it was our way of trying to, kind of a segue here, just really interestingly into a psychologist approach, like in my mind, 'cause I'm super logical and I come from a third world country that was war torn and all those sorts stuff for. Conflict there. When I was growing up, my thought is why would, as a survival instinct, you stockpile toilet paper and Australians seem to be the only ones who thought that toilet paper was something that they really, really needed over tinned food or bottles of water or stuff that can actually help you survive. I mean, you can wipe your butt with a tree if you really needed to or like. Don't get in a, because it was that fear response. Kicking in that fear response isn't rational. That fear response is not your logical brain. Right. That's why I laugh at it because it's literally not logical like you are. Right. Going to buy. I. Tinned food or water, bottles of water would make a lot more sense. Yeah. The problem is when our fear response kicks in, we are not operating from logic, and that's kind of linking it to what we were talking about with money and what's going on in the world. It makes sense in some circumstances that our anxiety and fear response will kick in because there is a legitimate danger in air quotes. And I air quote danger because it's not a threat to our immediate survival, but it is kind of putting us in a bit of a spin. And I talk about this with my clients a lot. Where there are instances where there's gonna be fear and anxiety that are really understandable and the appropriate emotion for the situation. Then there are gonna be other times where it's. Less appropriate and it gets in your way. Mm-hmm. And part of it is being able to differentiate between the two. And so when something happens overnight, that's has a significant impact on your business. AKA, your means of bringing money in, in survival. It's understandable that that's gonna rattle you, but to the degree to which it rattles you is gonna be where the, I guess the ability to regulate that is Right. Because if you we're all going through it, every business owner and well, everyone, not even just. Business owners, you know, like the cost of living is increasing. We can't deny that. But if you have done the work to kind of be able to release some of that stress and be able to regulate your emotions, to be able to acknowledge and notice the fear, to be able to notice how fear plays out for you so that when you are out there buying fear driven toilet paper instead of tinned food. Yeah. You can kind of check yourself and be like, oh, hang on a minute. Is this actual reality right now or is something else going on? And we can only do that when we're able to recognize the emotional response that we're having and be able to regulate it. Because if we can't do those two things, then our nervous system, our subconscious is going to be running the show. And that's. Where it becomes really unhelpful. So I guess what I'm trying to say is with my client going through what's happening in the world at the moment would be, yeah. Well, okay. Let's just slow things down a little and let's see where this response is coming from. How much of it is reality is really strong word, and I don't quite mean it like that, but what's the reality of the situation versus. The intensity of your emotional response to that. Is there a way that we can look at helping you regulate some of that emotion and so that you can then find a way to build a solution to solve that problem?'cause when you're in fight flight mode, like I said before, you can't think clearly. You can't make a logical decision, and so you end up making decisions in your business that are reactive, that are fear driven, and so you end up making decisions that. Might not necessarily be good long term. Like you might go, oh, the economy's messed up. I'm gonna reduce my prices, that I have more clients coming in the door so that they can afford me. But then you end up with a calendar that's overflowing and you're still not making ends meet because you're now significantly undercharging. So that would be kind of like a fear-based response where you think. You are addressing the problem, but your fear response is kind of just making that problem worse. Mm-hmm. Whereas if you were to able to regulate and go, oh yeah, gosh, this is really tough. Oh, now I'm really noticing that I'm scared my clients aren't gonna be able to pay. Oh, my initial reaction is to wanna reduce my prices. To be able to have that little pause before taking an action to ground yourself and collect a little bit more evidence so that you can. Actually make a logical decision that's coming from a place of clarity and clear headedness. Does that make sense? It does make sense. So it seems to me that the first step in any of this is you need to have a self-awareness to even recognize that you are on that emotional runaway train, as an example. And honestly like walking around life in general. So many people are not self-aware. How do you develop self-awareness? How would you recommend you start to develop self-awareness? Because I honestly, like, I'll go grocery shopping and I'm like, how did you even make it to the age? Like, how are you still alive? Like sometimes like these, these intrusive thoughts go through my head, you know? And it's not that person's fault or anything, it's just the way that they're, you know, experiencing life. I totally hear that. I agree. Sometimes I think that too. Sometimes I'm just like, how? I know I'm not the only one. It sounds super bitchy and judgmental, but sometimes I'm like, can we just pause? I get it. I totally get it. Yeah. It's really fascinating. Obviously they're doing something that works. Yeah, and that's a really great question. Like how do you develop that self-awareness? Look, some people don't. Yeah, simple. Some people don't. And some people reach a point where they're like, okay, what I'm doing isn't working anymore. I have tried all of these external things. I've tried the affirmations, I've tried journaling, I've read the self-help books. And that can be actually like speaking of those things, they can actually be really powerful ways to kind of get that self-awareness. Self-awareness is a hard thing though because I think we can have it, but translating that into action can be where it's really tough because self-awareness alone is not enough to produce change. And like I see this all the time, and I mean, if self-awareness alone was enough, I would literally be out of a job. Like change is hard, but how to develop that self-awareness. I think it's one of those things I don't. I think that you can fully do alone. You can kind of build that awareness through reading books and listening to podcasts. And like this episode alone in and of itself is going to be a lot of self-awareness for people who might not have even thought about some of these things. So it's being exposed and it's interesting because. I, when I was younger, like in my teenage years, you know, 14 to 16, I vowed to myself that I was never ever going to be like my parents. And so I, and I thought, okay, I'm thinking this and I'm just not gonna be like, my parents come to the age of 26. And I was like, my parents, I was like, what the fuck? Like I want this. And that was kind of, but I didn't have that self-awareness into why, like I was operating on autopilot and, but I didn't realize, I had no idea. I just had that thought, I don't wanna be like my parents. And I thought that would be enough. And then I kind of started realizing and I, look, I kind of even remember what it was that was kind of. Prompted me to reflect on that, but I think there's usually a pivot point for people where they realize, oh, something doesn't feel so good here. I need to, something needs to change and that's gonna be different for every single person. That's right. For me, it was kind of the end of a relationship breakdown in my late twenties and. We broke up and I was feeling so low and just so shit about myself. And I went to therapy for the, well, I've been to therapy before, but I hadn't jelled with any counselors. Went to therapy and jelled with this counselor and ended up spending a lot of time in therapy. And I think for me, that's where I got myself. I. Awareness or self insight. And I started to be able to see the world in a different way. Like the thing is with our subconscious, we operate on autopilot. So like you were saying, you know, you go to the shops, you don't know how you got there because you are operating on that subconscious level. And that helps us in so many ways because we get shit done. And so I'm segueing as well here, but like, think about it right now, you know, like, think about the fact that you are breathing right now. You are blinking. Your blood is pumping around your body, your subconscious is doing that. Imagine if you had to think about doing all of those things that'd require so much effort, you'd be exhausted at the end of the day just trying to keep yourself alive. So it's really helpful that we have all of this stuff going on in the background. But the problem is when we do these behaviors that land us in patterns that end up being like mom and dad. Who we despised and never wanted to be, only to find ourselves in that place. And then the next step from that is kind of recognizing it doesn't have to be that way. You actually can change, you can have a different experience in life. And that was, again, something that I didn't realize in myself because I was now like my parents. Who I did not wanna be like at all, and thought that I was just gonna be like that forever. I thought that there was something fundamentally wrong with me. Therapy, a lot of therapy later, and then becoming a psychologist myself. I realized like my eyes started to open up over time, that I could see the world a different way. I could see myself. A different way. I could have different relationships. I could have a different experience. That pathway of life that you were talking about before the I go to university, I get the good job. I find a man, I get married, I have kids, I buy the dog. I have the house with a white picket fence. And then I wake up at 50 and go, what the fuck have I done with my life? Like I see that so often, you know, in women. And after that relationship ended for me, like I kind of woke up wondering what my next step was. And probably a lot of people listening, I was living my life according to what other people had wanted. Yeah. And one of the reasons for that was also I think women are so disconnected from their bodies. That we don't tune in with what's actually going on internally for us. And so that autopilot that we're living is because there's so much disconnect. We've got our rational mind, which kind of says, well, you should do blah, blah, blah, and blah. We just listen to that. We just listen to the thoughts that are in our head that aren't actually fact. A lot of the time they're not based on reality and they're not necessarily what we want. We just kind of go with the flow. So when we can slow down and start to notice, well, what thoughts am I having? Do I agree with that? How's my body feeling? We start to get a bit bigger picture and when we can connect with, I guess our mind and our body. Bridge that gap between the two, then that's how we can actually tune into what do I wanna do with my life. I think I've segued into a lot of different topics here, but no, it's all perfect.'cause I mean it all, it's life, right? I don't believe that you can separate business, personal life and family life and emotions. It's all the experience, right? And everything is an ecosystem that feeds. Into one another. Now, I know that you, you've just specifically talked about a few things regarding women, and I know that you work specifically with women and I think that women have such an interesting relationship with money. Mm-hmm. I am a huge fan of women's empowerment and that sort of stuff, but I also dearly love our masculine and believe that there's a lot of masculine wounding. That needs to be worked on and given space for. I'm grateful for, you know, our suffragette sisters and the feminist movement and all of that because it did a lot of good. But what it didn't do was take into consideration that we were just giving ourselves another job because now that we didn't take into consideration the fact that, okay, cool, we'll work full-time jobs in big corporates or run our own businesses, that's great, but we still do all the child minding 90%. Percent of the time, we still do all of the laundry and the planning and the mental load of running a household and all of that sort of thing. I'm not saying in every situation, but still today, in 2025, there is a huge lack of equality when it comes to time. Right. And your capacity to earn as a woman because as soon as you have a child. Unless you know you are the breadwinner. And then there's the stay at home dad, which is awesome and is a relatively new movement. If that's the discussion that you as a couple decide to have. But the woman is usually the one who gives up her six figure career or slows down her business, or is shouldering all of these burdens on her own. What are some common. Subconscious money blocks that you see most often come up with your clients, your female clients in terms of like motherhood and children and money blocks, like just in general. Good question. And you are so right, like I think a lot of women do have this experience where they have a child and that then shifts to become like being a mother becomes that. Shift and I don't know, I have some strong, controversial views, I think because I don't have children. So let me just be clear. I went down that path and decided I will have a dog. And having a dog is like, so enough. Um, look some eggs. I'm very jealous of your decision a lot. I hear that a lot. I hear that a lot. So give it to us and give it to us straight. But the thing is like, because of that, right? Like I didn't wanna have a child with a man. But I did not want to have a child with a man. I mean, turns out I'm a lesbian because going through this whole rigmarole of connecting with mind, body, and sexuality, that is a whole separate podcast story. But like there was also this part of me that didn't wanna have a child with a man because of exactly what you've described. I did not want to give up my career. I did not wanna give up my financial freedom. I did not want to give up my independence because I see this. A lot, not just with the women that I work with. Like I, I am a psychologist. I've worked with hundreds of women over the years. Yep. And I've worked in domestic violence as well. And I see financial control as something so impactful. I. That women don't even realize'cause they're just, no, they don't. Because the money blocks that they have is, oh, I'm bad with money. I'm not good with money. And so I'm just gonna let my partner in a hetero relationship, my male partner, deal with it. And so they'll let their partner deal with money and then have no idea what the fuck is going on with their money. And I have had a client who has almost been bankrupt because they let their partner deal with their money in their business. And their partner had no idea what they were doing. So when we give away our autonomy and our power to, even if it's our partner, because we think, oh, we're in a partnership. I wanna have them take the load. We're often doing it from a very gendered space. Mm. In the sense of, well, I'm not good with money, so I'm gonna give it to them who says You're not good with money? And that's that example of those thoughts. Right. Those thoughts become what we perceive to be our reality, and we don't. Challenge those thoughts. What if you're not bad with money? What if you just haven't learned yet? And when we reframe it like that, and it's kind of like if you don't roller skate and you went to a roller skating rink, but you expected to be like this roller skating professional zooming around the rink doing, I don't know, whatever kind of fancy tricks, that's probably an unrealistic expectation to have. So why do we place that same expectation on ourselves with money? We can learn it, we can learn how to. Do the financial how tos, which is why I talk about the emotional aspect of money and how it feels in our body and how to kind of shift that. Because we can struggle to do the financial tasks. We can delegate them thinking that, oh, well this makes a lot of sense. Rationally, but the reason that we're actually delegating is because we feel anxiety. We feel that fear and anxiety and fear, love avoidance. They love that delegation because that means you don't have to deal with it. You not having to deal with it means that you don't have to feel that emotion. Yeah, it's so true. And it's funny how we, especially as women, kind of just have this subconscious belief, like, I'm not good with money. I spend money on unnecessary things. Because you know, a lot of the time you've got male partners telling that women like, why do you need to spend so much on your hair? Or Why do you spend so much on your nails? But then they want a partner that looks. You, you know, and there's kind of this, this back and forth play. Mm-hmm. So it's, it's very, very interesting. But you are absolutely right. We have the capacity and the potential to learn anything that we put our minds to, but it is a paralyzing fear for a lot of people. Money. Now, healing your own money wounds, because I know that you've had them because you're human. Was there like an aha moment for you where you kind of had this. This thing from when you were a psychologist and when I need to teach women about money, I'm in a position to do so. What did that look like for you? What was that journey like? Because being a psychologist and then dealing with domestic violence and all that sort of thing, then swinging into being a money coach, they're two quite different things, but at the same time have a lot of crossover. Yeah, it's a really interesting question and I'm really glad you asked. Like my so funny because, well, not really funny, like, you know, but my aha moment and it's kind of like what I was just hearing before, like about that self-awareness piece. Like it's usually this pivotal moment and for me that was when my dad, I remember he called me one day at like 8:00 AM and we'd had a fight the day before and I answered the phone. Kind of like, you know, why are you calling me? Almost didn't answer the phone. And he was slurring and speaking like gibberish and I was like, the fuck is going on? Mm-hmm. Quickly realized there was something seriously wrong with him. I called an ambulance and turns out he had had a stroke. Yeah. And so he spent like a month in rehab and had kind of lost a little bit of his ability to. Speak like coherently. He could still live independently, could still speak and stuff, but just a little difficulties getting the words that he wanted out. After he recovered, I remember he came over to my house and our conversations were often around money. Like, oh, you'll never be able to afford to buy a house without a man, and you'll never be able to live the life that you want. Oh, you're going on another holiday. Oh, how ridiculous. I'll give you money to have a deposit to buy a house, and then he'd take it away. So our conversations were a lot around money. Yeah. And if they weren't around money, they'd be around my dog. Because that was one topic that we could just kind of, it was a safe zone. It was a safe topic. And he came around to my house one day and I was like, okay, that's fine. We'll just talk about the dog. No, we got into a money conversation. And I had had enough, and I was just like, I don't wanna have this conversation with you. And I remember he was sitting on my couch and he turned around and he looked at me and he yelled at me and he is like, you would be nothing without me. And I was like, oh my God. Like it was in that moment I, it's like a light bulb went off in my mind and I'm like, you've never believed in me. You have never believed in my capabilities. You have always put me down a peg. And I had enough. So I essentially kicked him outta my house. Yep. And he was angry at me for doing that. Mm-hmm. But it was in that moment, I was like, oh my God, I have been seeking my dad's approval that I'm never going to get, nothing I do is ever going to be good enough for you. Yeah. And it was just, I don't know, something clicked in that moment. And so how did that then translate to money coaching? Well. I realized that I had so many of, like you said, my own money blocks. I was impulsively spending because I thought I was relying on my dad to bail me out, and so I wasn't doing things like saving the amount of money I needed for a house deposit. I'd save a little bit and then I'd go on a holiday and I realized. If I want the financial future that I want, that I never thought was possible, having a house with a pool, having a nice car, being able to go on a holiday and fly business class. If I wanted those things that I did want, then I, me Eloise needed to do something differently because I had subconsciously been waiting for my dad to bail me out. I didn't realize that I had been doing that. Mm-hmm. And so from that moment, I started doing a lot of work. Around my own relationship with money and peeling back my subconscious layers because I was struggling. Like I knew I had this huge potential and I could see other women doing it, and I would always think, I wanna be like you. Why can't I be Brene Brown or not? Not be Brene Brown, but have that make that impact. Yeah, so I wanted to make that impact. I wanted to speak on stage, I wanted to share my story, but I never thought that I could that moment. Just shifted everything. And what I took from that, or what evolved from that, I suppose, is seeing other women in the same place. And I'd been working as a psychologist for years, so I had seen it, but then landing into the money space, I was like, women don't make six figures. Most women don't make six figures and let alone seven. Yep. And that knowing what I know about domestic violence, knowing what I know about women over 55. Being really financially disadvantaged. I'm like, you know what? I want to do something here. And I, like you said, have this unique gift and skills and experience and it can bridge that gap. Because I was seeing within myself, the thing that was holding me back was this subconscious. Gunk, you know, that I didn't need anymore. It served me in my childhood, but it wasn't serving me now as an adult, but I was still holding onto it. So when I let that go, like I thrived and I never thought it was possible for me. And when I realized it was possible for me, like actually felt it in my body, not just kind of said, eh, it's possible for me, but actually. Felt it. Everything changed. A huge difference there. Yeah, a hundred percent. And that's where like I wanted to help make an impact with more women to help them recognize like, and, and to show them, like if I can do it, somebody who doesn't come from a wealthy family, somebody who does come from a home where there was a lot of dysfunction. It wasn't a safe home growing up, it was very volatile. If I can do this. So can you, you just need to be prepared to take that first step and you have that potential already and you, we just need to take off a few of those layers that don't serve you anymore. Beautiful. What a story. I love that. Thank you for sharing. I. So now we got super serious. Let's have some fun. Ooh, I like fun. I like fun too. I love your glasses. By the way, if, if, for those of you who are listening to audio version, Eloise is sporting some neon pink glasses, which I'm quite jealous of, I think. But I wanna know what's the worst financial advice you've ever received? Oh, the worst. Gosh, that's a really interesting question. Okay, so it comes from my dad. Mm-hmm. Not, I'm not surprised with that response. Yes. And it's basically don't trust banks. Yeah. I actually used to date somebody who literally would not put his money in the bank. He would hide it under the mattress. Oh my God, my dad did the exact same thing. It's a conspiracy. And I'm like, oh gosh, I just can't even, yep. That was my dad. That was my dad. Don't, don't trust banks. Don't trust banks. And look, I get where he's coming from, you know? Like what do you do? Right? Bank is a business. You are running a business. Life is a business. Like, it's just the way things are. Right? You gotta play the system, right? Like you gotta play the system. And, and that's why I don't get, like, money is the root of all evil. Okay? Sure. So what? You are gonna be poor and have no money so that you can do what Mm. Judge other people for having money and then criticize them because they're not spending it in how you think is appropriate. Go that. No, like, yeah, that's exactly it. You've, you've got such a good point there. All right. If money was a person. And you could have a conversation with it, what would you say? Oh, if money was a person and I could have a conversation with it, if money went out for a cocktail, what would you guys be chatting about? What would you say? I reckon we'd just be flirting, like we'd be having like flirty banter back and forth. I love it. Like, and money would be a woman of course. Like, oh, in your case, absolutely. And that's, no, in everyone's case, it needs to be a woman regardless for such dating them, not dating them money as like a Jessica Rabbit type, you know, fest. Ooh, I can see that. Yeah. I love that. Yeah, like it's kind of seductive and you have a little bit of fun with it, you know, like. Money is paying for everything on our date, and they're smooth and they're charming and like the conversation is easy and you know, and you're making me wanna date money. Like I think you know, I'm gonna go date money. All right, what's one small daily habit that helps build financial confidence? For me, it is about stepping into my inner a millionaire self. And so what I mean by that is I try and step into that version of myself when I make a financial decision or any decision around my business in particular around, okay, so what would the version of me, who has achieved my goals, who does have the house with the pool, who does have the nice car, who is flying business class doing all of these? Things. What would she do? How would she respond? She would respond from a place of regulated emotions. She would respond from a place of rationality. She would pause and give herself the space to think through, not overthink so that it's six months later before I make a decision, but to give myself a little bit of that. Space is something that I try and step into. Yeah, I like that. And you and I actually met in a millionaire's Facebook group, so um, I love we did about that kind of energy that that's being brought to the table. Alright, last rapid fire question. What's the one thing you wish every woman knew about money? That they are capable of making it. Mm-hmm. They are capable. Even if you think you are not right now, you are. You are absolutely capable and all you need to do is just remove a few of those subconscious layers that make you think you're not capable, because I guarantee you are. Yeah, I love that. So you are absolutely capable of making money. You are absolutely capable of learning how to use money to live the lifestyle, create the lifestyle that you. Want to live whatever success looks like for you, and you can heal all of those icky feelings and relationships you have about money. And we should all date the money version of Jessica Rabbit is what I got from this conversation. Yes. We have had so much. That is my new crush. That is now my new crush. I feel like I'm gonna print out a little version of Van like. Stick it on my wall and be like, flirt with it all day next to my desk. Oh, I love that. I love that. Put a little like money note on it as well, you know, like have a little, that's his money and just be like, Hey, I love that. Make it a bit playful and fun. I love it. Be fun. What the hell is the point? Like life is stressful most of the time. We've gotta have fun, otherwise we're just gonna cry about it and then we're not gonna get anywhere. I've had so much fun chatting to you. But before we go, I have a tradition on this podcast called The Book Drop, and we wanna know what book has impacted you, either professionally or personally, tell us about it. Okay, so my book that I would highly recommend is called What Happened to You, and it's by Oprah and Bruce Perry highly recommend the audio version of this book because Oprah reads out her parts, which I love. I love this book because it speaks to how we are all impacted, and I know we didn't talk about this today by the trauma, and I have a love hate relationship with the word trauma because as a psychologist, we use it in a clinical way. Trauma is essentially just micro experiences or big experiences that happen to us that gets stored in our body, and I think it's really a really powerful book. Speaking of that awareness. Piece to understand how experiences that we've had can impact us in our body. Mm. And why body work is so important and powerful. And it's influenced a lot of how I work as a money coach and psychologist. So yeah, it's a really, really powerful book. Yeah, I love that. I actually haven't read it, but have you read, um, you Are Not Broken by Dr. Sarah Woodhouse? Haven't read that one. No. That's a really interesting one as well. And she talks a lot about trauma and it's big T trauma and little T trauma. And as you say, like it can be something as small as when you were full and you were dropped to daycare and the kid wouldn't share their block with you and somehow, you know Yeah. Embedded or you know, you were involved in a school shooting when you were. Streams, it doesn't matter. Your body responds the way that it does and it gets embedded the way that it does, and then it is our responsibility. I was saying to my kids yesterday, they said, mommy, what are you doing? Because they were scream. I've got PTSD from my childhood experiences, and when everybody's yelling and there's too much noise, I get really overstimulated. And so I put soundproof headphones on and I listened to screaming music like. Lincoln Park or Slipknot or something? Oh yeah, I usually do, but it helps dry out the voices in my head. Right. And then I do my breathing exercises. And one of the kids said, what are you doing? What are you listening to? And they took my headphones off and they were like, oh my God, this is horrible music. And I was like, well, A, it's not horrible. And B um, it helps you know, it's my responsibility to manage my feelings. I'm feeling overstimulated. And you are responsible for your own feelings, and you can choose to react or respond to the stimulus around you. But it is your responsibility ultimately as a human being. They kind of look to me like, okay, but it is, it's our responsibility to heal our relationship with money, to work on our own shortcomings or challenges, whatever you wanna call them, because without doing that, we will never move forward. And it's so worth it, like from my own experience, it was hard at the start, but you know, like it's now my life is a complete 180 to where I would've imagined it 15 years ago. And the power in taking that first step, but also in believing in yourself even when no one else believes in you. Like it can be scary, but so worth it. Absolutely. 100%. I couldn't agree more. Eloise, thank you for joining me on the show today. Thanks for having me. It's been great. For those of you who want to connect with Eloise, I will put all of her contact details in the show notes. Go and check her out. She's amazing and you'll have to go follow her on social so you can check out those amazing glasses. That's a wrap on today's episode. If you love the insights and inspiration, don't let it end here. Hit subscribe to stay connected, and turn your visions into reality alongside our community of change makers. I'm Tarryn Reevess. Thank you for joining me. And remember, your story has power. See you in the next episode.